About Clarice

For over 40 years, I have been involved in experiencing the constant dilemmas of senior aging. My earliest memories of this go back to visiting my grandfather in a nursing home when I was very young.

The nursing home was a large white house on beautiful grounds, quite a distance from where we lived, so we could only visit a few times a month. Despite the lovely exterior, the inside was starkly different. Nurses cared for the elderly, many of whom were unable to speak, hear, walk, or even move. They lined the halls and filled darkened rooms. My grandfather would “escape” weekly, causing my mother to panic. Each visit ended with my mother crying the entire way home.

This was my introduction to senior care. The first lesson I learned was to keep your loved ones close.

Years later, my grandmother lived independently in her own home until my dad found mice in her oven and unattended pots of boiling water on the stove. She soon entered a nursing home near our house, much to her dismay. My dad visited her daily, and the rest of the family frequently. Despite the challenges, we often brought her home for cookouts and holiday events. Transporting her in a heavy wheelchair, especially up a flight of stairs, was not easy.

Returning her to the nursing home was always difficult, with the constant sounds of patients in distress and the pervasive smell of urine. The “help me” screams from some rooms were haunting. She lived in that nursing home for over 10 years and passed away there at age 93. Even then, I thought there must be a better way to live and die.

The second lesson I learned was to listen to what your loved ones want and need, and to accommodate them as much as possible.

My dad was always a very talented musician; he could play all kinds of instruments from the piano to the violin, guitar, flute, and accordion. He would sometimes come sing and play music for my grandmother, which she enjoyed so very much. Soon, he realized that all her elderly companions also liked to hear him sing “their old songs,” so he created a small business singing and playing the keyboard at nursing and assisted living homes for seniors in the Detroit area.

I would often go with my dad to hear him play. It was amazing to see the faces of such sad, lifeless residents light up when the microphone would turn on. Some patients (if they could) would even get up and dance! He must have played over 500 times in some 25 years. I visited a lot of senior facilities during that time and hoped I would never have to live in one, no matter how great the music was.

But, the good news is that I have seen a bit of a change over the years…much more attentive caregivers, cleaner environments, and a full calendar of activities.

Third lesson, keep people busy and active.

My mom became ill in 2007, needing home assistance, rehab, and eventually, in 2009, her life ended in a nursing home. At first, home caregivers were great for her. She felt they were attentive, she could confide in them, and they would listen, making this a generally positive experience. My dad hated them because he felt it was an intrusion into their (his) life and that he could handle her care on his own. Big mistake.

She had a few stints in rehab where she was amongst a mixture of addicts and post-surgery patients—not pleasant at all. She always just wanted to “go home.” Was anyone listening??? So, with limited capacity, understanding, and tolerance, my dad attempted to be her caregiver. That lasted until early one morning when a stranger walked into my dad’s bedroom and said, “your wife is laying on the front lawn screaming.”

Into the nursing home my mother went, drugged with morphine, an hour of hospice, consoled by an exhausted husband. She died a few days later at age 76. I felt so guilty because I lived far away and couldn’t do more. I blamed my father for not doing a “good enough job,” and I felt the situation could have been handled so much better. I just did not know it had gotten so bad. It was one of the worst times of my life.

Fourth lesson, get the care, support, and help you need, don’t be afraid to ask.

In the meantime, I had been hired by the Atria Assisted Living company in Atlanta to handle all their PR and marketing efforts. The perfect client for me, not only was I a marketing professional, but I had firsthand knowledge of how senior living facilities were run, and what it was like to be a patient/resident.

As part of my research with Atria, I visited a dozen or more assisted living homes in Atlanta, giving me a pretty good idea of who the competition was and what they each offered. What a huge change had taken place in just a short time. These homes were lovely; beautiful carpet, furnishings, spacious rooms, lots of light, comfortable common area spaces, elaborate dining rooms, not to mention the services offered. Hair salons, off-campus events, loads of activities and exercise programs, not to mention medical care and wonderful dining experiences in or out of your room. Some were even pet-friendly!

The fifth lesson, figure out what is important to you and do your homework.

Eventually, my own in-laws required some assistance. So, we placed them in an Atria development just minutes from our home. Atria created a beautiful environment, providing constant attention and activities to keep them busy (or not) from morning until night.

I often brought my daughter over in the evening before bedtime in her pajamas to visit her grandparents, along with her small dog. Their eyes would brighten to see her sweet little face enter their room. I even brought her Brownie troop over to make cookies. Their son would come by every day, sometimes even joining them for lunch. Other family members and friends would drop by just to say “hello.” Their life was active, safe, and secure.

Life is not forever. They eventually both died within a few months of each other after 65 years of marriage.

Lesson six, you can only do your best.

My dad had been living independently for about 10 years after my mom had died, although he had a tremendously long list of illnesses. My dad was determined to remain in his home in Michigan during this time period, so all of the siblings got together and made a yearly visiting schedule to check on him. It is one thing to have daily talks on the phone but quite another to have a firsthand visit. We all went back and forth from Denver and Dallas and Baltimore and Atlanta to Detroit on a 6-week schedule, as well as during the numerous emergencies.

We learned from the past to communicate with each other, make a plan, and stay on top of his medical and financial situation. Finally, in January of 2011, a severe back injury occurred and he agreed to move to Atlanta where I could care for him. I placed him in a wonderful nursing home/rehab center, 15 minutes from me and 5 minutes from the hospital. I had him transported by ambulance, and by the time he arrived, his room was decorated with his favorite artwork, plants, and flowers. I even brought his favorite juices and snacks and had an open closet built so he could enjoy looking at all of his colorful shirts he so loved.

I learned from previous experience that “making him feel at home” would be essential to his positive outlook and recovery. Although he wasn’t at his home in Michigan, he felt at “home” in his special room. He went through extensive rehab and actually started making great strides of improvement, so much so that by April we were visiting almost every assisted living home in Atlanta for a “look see.” I was pleasantly surprised to see all the wonderful places available and what they all offered…one even had a movie theatre! We came for “lunch” visits and a tour. We enjoyed homemade soups to shrimp scampi and red velvet cake…we ate our way through Atlanta. My dad loved great food, so finding a place right for him involved researching the daily menus.

Since my dad was becoming more mobile, I ordered a transport wheelchair. That made my life a whole lot easier since I could easily lift it in and out of the trunk. I visited my dad every day. I brought him the paper, new shirts, cookies, and sometimes one of his favorite home-cooked meals. We played Scrabble, and bingo, and went to all the special concerts, even Elvis night! I took him on all kinds of outings from the Braves game to the aquarium, to fun places for lunch and to shop. I took pictures of him wherever we went to forward to my brother and sisters, which kept them involved in the process.

We talked and talked and talked again. My friends came, the dogs came…we all came and became part of the nursing home family. We got to be close with the amazing caregivers, administration, residents, and especially the dietician and head chef (who would cater to my dad’s every whim). Thank you Bill! But one day he said, “Am I going to be here for the rest of my life? Is this it?” And within a week we were moving to a beautiful assisted living apartment a few miles away.

He had the ultimate “senior” bachelor pad…complete with a 52” TV and surround sound, and poles to help him get up, as well as a lift lounge chair and bed. The perfect pad for an 87-year-old man. He was in his glory, meeting all kinds of new people, sharing stories, and even courting a lovely lady in the building. He was happy, enjoying the attention, loved his apartment, raved about the food, and had no worries because all was being taken care of. No house worries, no being frightened of being alone, no concerns regarding meals or laundry or medicines.

And, even though he loved his surroundings, our “outings” were very special to him, so I made a point to make those as frequent as possible. Unfortunately, a falling accident, a bout of pneumonia, as well as heart failure, took its toll and he passed away in July of 2011. Since my brother and sisters and I were in such great contact, we easily put together his final resting plans. Everyone had a job to do, and we created a wonderful tribute to his memory.

All of the past do’s and don’ts became quite apparent…all was honorable, peaceful, and “right.” All of the previous lessons before me presented themselves so that I could be a better senior caregiver and know that in the end, my dad’s wishes were honored and that he knew he was deeply respected, cared for, and loved. Isn’t that what we all want?

Lesson seven, no regrets.

Business Profile

Clarice W. Dowdle
Title: Founder/COO, Seniorcaregivingtoday.com
Telephone: 404-394-6745
Email: Cwdowdle14@gmail.com
LinkedIn: [Clarice W. Dowdle](https://www.linkedin.com/in/clarice-w-dowdle)
URLs: [www.Claricedowdle.com](http://www.Claricedowdle.com) | [www.Seniorcaregivingtoday.com](http://www.Seniorcaregivingtoday.com)
Business Address: Palm Beach Gardens, FL

Professional Achievements

Recognized as an expert in Senior Caregiving, Women in Business, Senior advocacy, and as an author.

– Founder/COO of Seniorcaregivingtoday.com
– President, Coton Frais Fashion Inc.
– Domestic and International Marketing Consultant
– HR/Visual Manager, Ralph Lauren
– General Manager, Kate Spade
– Executive Vice-President of Marketing/Public Relations, Margot Townsend Inc.
– President/CEO, CWD Marketing Services Inc.
– Senior Account Executive, Hobson Barnes
– Co-founder & Vice-President/Creative Director, Robinson & Weskel Communications Inc.
– Assistant Marketing Director, Mayfair in the Grove
– Assistant Promotion Director, WTVJ-CBS Miami
– Assistant PR and Marketing Director, Miami Dolphins and Fort Lauderdale Strikers

Media and Speaking Engagements

– Shop Channel Japan
– WSB-TV People to People
– WebsEdge TV
– Atlanta Magazine
– York County Coast Star
– Interview with tax attorney Houston Lennard
– Interview with Dr. Celeste Coggin
– Georgia State University
– Savannah College of Art and Design
– The Atlanta Journal Constitution
– KRLD 1080 Dallas/Ft. Worth, “KRLD News” with Marlee McCormick
– KAFF 930 Flagstaff, “Flagstaff Mornings” with Charles Hick
– KCAA 1050 San Bernardino-Riverside, “The Morning Show”
– WNJC radio Philadelphia, S. Jersey, N. Delaware, “The Eddie Esquire Show”
– Infinity Publishing Author Spotlight
– The Epoch Times International Newspaper/Internet edition
– WPBS radio & SiriusXM
– WIBA News Talk 1310 Madison
– Bankrate.com
– Spero News International Internet news site
– KHVH 830 Honolulu
– Senior Times of South Central Michigan
– Nerdwallet.com
– Frankie Boyer Holistic Show
– Bill Miller Show
– Touch of Grey
– WPBS Atlanta Radio Korea, “Korea Today”
– Cable Radio Network
– United Methodist Homes of New Jersey /Internet edition
– The Paramus Post
– KEAR 610 San Francisco “For the Record” with Marcy Pearce
– WHK 1420 Cleveland, “The Advocate” with Nick Phillips
– Living Fully After 40
– WHN2 1250, “Senior Voice Radio”
– KLUV Dallas, “Jody Dean and the Morning Team”
– KKVI 89.9, “Valder Beeb Show”
– Atlanta Home Care Partners Inc, newsletter

Professional Affiliations

Not-for-profit affiliations with organizations throughout the country, serving roles from Board member, to ball chairman, to civic leader president, to fundraiser, to advisor. Two-time Emmy Award winner and American Society on Aging faculty member.